31 Jan 2014

LUNAR NEW YEAR 2014

Happy Lunar New Year banner with horse motifs and moving GIF background of horses galloping

Happy Lunar New Year, everybody!

It's that time of the year where the words, 'prosperity', 'longevity', 'luck' and 'happiness' get thrown around like watermelons during harvest season, and do we know it! We wish all our readers, you furtive little devils, the above and hope that the year of the Wood Horse brings you much enlightenment and fun ol' times.

New beginnings naturally conjure spiritual feelings and curiosity as to what this next phase will bring us; moreover what can we expect, alter, and ultimately control. So we did some astrological scoping to see what our respective Asiatic zodiacs could foretell. This is basically the synopsis. Basically. Kinda. Find yours!

Rat

The Year of the Wood Horse is your year, baby! Being probably the least glamorous sounding of the twelve animals (sorry), 2k14 is gonna be your year to tell those other high-flying types to, 'screw it beepholes'; looking at you Dragon, you pretentious, valiant mothereffer! However, don't go crazy with power lust; one heady move and you could be back in the sewers! Assuming you were there in the first place. Ahem.

Ox

Oxens, this year is about mixing it up! There will be restlessness but moments of excitement, and you better buckle up for the ride! Ha! Bovine babes usually lather themselves in stability (yawn), security (yawn) and just an ability to make everything as safe and fuss-free as possible (someone pass me a respirator). You basically have a foot in the nursing home and it is time to change that! This year the horse gallops into your life and will whinny, 'neigh, neigh, neigh!' Which means, 'you're gonna screw yourself over and you're gonna love it!' Heed her. She only has your best interests in mind.

Tiger

You know when I said that this year was Rat's year. Well, stripes, the Year of the Horse is taking a shining to you too! And why not? This is governed by destiny after all. Wood is your natural element and together you will make an unstoppable force. Keep doing what you're doing. That's basically it. Goodbye, now.

Rabbit/Cat

The Year of the Horse nudges the little rabbit out of his rabbit hole and the kitty cat from her cat nap. If you ever wanted to pursue your dreams, the horse is your homie and is here to help you! So feel confident, exuberant and take bold steps into the yonder! Oh, hang on. What's that? It's going to be nothing but crushing disappointments, heart-wrenching failures and things aren't going to lighten up until September? Oh, well. Happy new year!

Dragon

In a nutshell, the year of the Wood Horse promises you, ever innovative and courageous thang, you, unexpected challenges that yield bountiful treasures should you have the gall to pursue them. So heed our words and pursue, damn you! The universe is never wrong! But before you do, don't forget to read the fine print 'cos some tribulations do surface during the year. Two words you need to keep in mind in such times, FAKE IT and the rest will follow. Simple enough right? You don't even have to give up those ulterior motives that has earned you a rep of a swaggering, sharp tongued, sasspants. Basically, like the rest of the zodiac, even the Wood Horse is cowering before you. Own it, bae.

Snake

Good vibes this year Snakes, good vibes! Well done! But you haven't done anything, yet? Guy, turn off that serious and overly thoughtful mind for a minute, 'cos the Wood Horse like you! All we're getting from the all knowing cosmic entities are adventure, fun, dreams and big changes. Literally, that's it.

Horse

It's your year, girl/boy! Celebrations are in order, but take it slow ok? Real slow. So reign in that free spirit, Pegasus! Think of this year as a race in slow motion, a horse race, yes. And even though you may have competitors for your crown and some jerk riding your back and whipping your rear, you're still the winner! So drown out the cries of indignance from your fellow Rat and Tiger with a proud whinny. It's your majestic frame everyone has adorning their calender, so they can't tell you shit.

Sheep/Goat

This year, following your heart will bring you a pleasant flow of energy that promises happiness, seriously! Where previously the only energy following your heart ever brought was misery, despair and a penchant for ultra violence, this time it's gonna be different... Maybe... What were we talking about again? The Wood Horse demands you to try new things, so do itLet your sense of humour come out from the crevasses of your sheep/goat (depending on whether you are of Chinese or Vietnamese ancestry, know the difference) soul this year and use it as your defense mechanism against the inevitable changes that are so utterly inevitable, etc. LOLs to all of you! Ha, ha, ha!

Monkey

The Year of the Wood Horse promises change and excitement. The potential for making major, life-changing decisions is strong, so hold the phone and don't be hasty, l'il lady! It is a year to focus on being #fit and #healthy, therefore don't forget to track down some #fitspiration tags, 'cos they don't seem to be disappearing any time soon. Your phone should be blowing up the heezay and the more you collaborate with others, the more effective you'll be. You might even have fun! Unconventional solutions are all the rage, jungle demons, so keep your eyes peeled and think outside of that square shaped head you call your noggin. This year, magic happens and anything is possible, babe!

Rooster

Roosters, you're in for a treat this Year of the Wood Horse, with positive words such as 'breaking free', 'opportunities' and 'happy life' floating around your astrological field. Capitalise my friend! But similar to the all powerful Dragon, a bit of give and take is required if you wish to succeed. Want a less vague reading? Discipline, kid! So you know, like, when somebody frustrates you, don't immediately call them a stupid idiot, sleep on it. Ask them if they're a Dragon first. Yeah, that's a good strategy actually. Do this and, you know, 'happy life' is yours.

Dog

Who doesn't love a Dog? Not the Wood Horse! And that's a particularly good thing, 'cos you're sniffing around their turf this year, sonny jim. Just be your confident, exuberant self and you'll be winning friends all over the damn place. Be beautiful to people and they'll be beautiful right back atcha, but at the same time, always look out for number 1 (that's you), and remember that you can't trust no one and everyone's out to ruin you.

Pig

Oh my god, finally, ok, lucky last. Ok. Wait, what's going on? Right, Pig. Just do whatever you want, the universe is tired and hungry.

We hope you enjoyed that, live long and prosper!


♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ DOUBLE HAPPINESS 2 ALL ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡